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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in xxbottled_upxx's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, April 28th, 2002
9:39 pm
*laying on the floor dying*

-----------------------i wish
Friday, April 5th, 2002
9:09 pm
how???
why does it seem like everything i ever get in life gets taken away? my best friend adam - taken by kylie *his girlfriend*...a girl i talked to online - taken by AJ *my friend*...and my parents...its like i dont even exist to them anymore...they dont wake me up to say bye to my sister who i wont see for a long time....they took a family picture excluding me, but you know, the dog got to be in it...why am i replaced so easy?...why cant i be with anyone for a long time?...why do i have to go through this?...i dont know if i can put up with it....anytime ive said i cant put up with it, i didnt mean it...but this time, i mean it...i'm dying inside...

Current Mood: depressed
Monday, April 1st, 2002
7:07 pm
why?
why do girls have to take everything? they take your mind, your heart, your soul, i mean hell....they even take your friends. i dont get it. i hate them. all you girls that i know that are going on spring break, have fun....i just dont wanna be around when you get back.

Current Mood: crappy
Sunday, March 31st, 2002
5:03 pm
long time no see
i havent written in here in a while pretty much because i dont feel like it. easter today was okay but i pretty much tried to avoid my family. then after lunch, i went over to adams house where he was with kyleigh *what a surprise*. so, i left there after i talked with them for a few minutes. i feel like i dont have a friend anymore. he was my best friend in the whole world and now all he wants to do is be with kyleigh. i guess that in his eyes, sex is better than me. which i can understand but i dont have a best friend anymore. its killin me...im gettin sad again and feeling all messed up. i feel like i have no point in being here if i can just be replaced that easy. i dont wanna live.

Current Mood: depressed
Friday, March 22nd, 2002
11:39 pm
gotta do it...sorry
i realized today that what i was thinkin about had nothing to do with liking someone. i was thinkin about the straight edge kids in commercial art. some of the things i have to say will probably make some of you mad but this is how i feel. if u dont wanna read it, i dont balme you...but if you do...no harsh feeling i just gotta tell u some things.

ok...all you sXe people in commercial art and at lunch, im gettin kinda tired of your looks and thoughts. if i am not talking about you, i have already told u. its just that any comment anyone makes about doing anything you guys are against, you fuckin give us the worst fuckin looks in the goddamn world. personally, i am really sick and tired of it. you all have your opinions of what you want to do in life and everyone else has theirs. sure, ive drank in my life...ive smoked weed. its what i wanted to do at the time and so i did it. you all wanna be straight edge...do it, but you dont hafta give me dirty ass looks for a few things ive done wrong in my life...thats bullshit. that is like me fuckin hating all of you cause you dont do anything wrong. in my opinion, it is wrong to criticize someone else's life. that is why i dont say anything about you guys. its fucked up. you live how you wanna live and ill live how i wanna live. ive drank in my life and i know for a fact that ill do it again sometime but that is my life and you people dont have to fuckin stare my ass down because i do what i wanna do. i do what i wanna do in life and if you are gonna judge me, go ahead and do it but personally i think you guys just need to stop trying to tell me how to run my life and deal with your own. just stay the fuck out of it and mind your own business. i do what i wanna do because it is my life and so do you.

i just dont wanna be judged because i live my life the way i want to. the end.

Current Mood: irritated
12:40 pm
time needs to hurry up
im here at school and im really not having a lot of fun. i'm thinking again for the first time in like 4 days. it should go away soon. hopefully for good. for this is getting over you.

Current Mood: gloomy
Wednesday, March 20th, 2002
11:35 am
research paper slackin...
well...im sittin here in the FIC (what up, fic?) supposedly doin my research paper. it really sux. i dont wanna do it anymore but i gotta get it done tonight to turn it in tomorrow but i gotta work tonight. damnit damnit damnit.

Current Mood: hungry
Monday, March 18th, 2002
10:29 pm
chad adams
i guess on thursday i am going to hang out with chad adams. i havent talked to him in like 2 years (literally). it should be fun. we are gonna go see super troopers. i just cant believe that i get to talk to him after all this time. its crazy. he graduated when i was a freshman so i only got to know him for one year. CRAZYNESS.

Current Mood: quixotic
12:50 pm
school
we...im here at school doing nothing and listeneing to all the advisory boards talking. i wish they all shut up and DIE!!! today is no good although one thing would make it so much better but that will not happen because it wouldve by now. i think im pretty close to letting all my feelings out to everyone so i think within the next few weeks it could be a terrible thing. i dont know if it is a good idea. i already know the answer to the main one and i know it will just upset me...all in all i think it will get it off my chest though and hopefully make me feel better. i really hope so. i just cant hold it in for too much longer. i hate getting sad and lonely and hopefully that will change everything and let me get on with my life. its just that she (there it is) is the only thing that i really care about in my life right now. i just cant hold it in no mo'. i just dont know what to do. what can i do? who knows. ill figure something out...i just dont wanna think about her anymore. it just feels like i would be better off if i never met her even though i know that is not true at all. if i never met her my life would suck for never have meeting someone that amazing and perfect. its just that i cant talk to her because there is no word that can express for how much i care about and like her. no word at all. i just hope saying this does not affect anything. i dont wanna ruin anything by saying how i feel. thats the way it is and it is not gonna change. i want things to stay the way they have been for the last three years in high school by not telling anyone. i just cant hold it in anymore. if i do, it will be the death of me.

Current Mood: contemplative
Sunday, March 17th, 2002
10:08 pm
stolen from danielle and *ani*
i&apos;m Sally!

Current Mood: cheerful
Saturday, March 16th, 2002
4:40 pm
lawnmowers are funny
welp, today was a funny day at work. i got to work with danielle all day which made my day happy cuz she is a really fun person especially now that *Ani* is around. we went on break and stole a lawnmower out of someones front yard. that made my day really funny and exciting. well...that was work. now that adam is gone, i dont have aything to do so i am bored. i wish i had more friends that i hung out with but i just feel funny hanging out with people besides him. he is in columbus visiting isaac pressnell. oh well. so i will be on the cpu for a long while probly waiting for someone to get online. so...i guess this is goodbye.

Current Mood: bored
Friday, March 15th, 2002
12:29 am
stop thinking, david
Myself

I live my life day by day hating it in every way.
Sitting all alone keeping to myself,
Far away from everyone else.
Even though I feel alone inside,
Sometimes I find it hard to hide.
Its hard to keep my feelings in,
I just wanna express myself again.

Im gonna speak my mind.
You should speak your mind!

I wonder how Ill tell you how I feel,
And how do I know if this feelings really real?
I dont understand the reasons why
Instead of speaking your mind you dont even try
...Or even care.
You dont even care.

Lets go!
Awww shit!

Current Mood: sad
Wednesday, March 13th, 2002
10:20 pm
i hate work times abinity
i really wish that i could make money not working. i hate it, especially with everyone quitting. we just got a girl named shannon law to replace adam. shes cool, i like her and all, but shes all thuggish-like and hangs out with all the thug people at our school. i dont really like that at all. like danielle said today, she seems like shes gonna be another pathological liar like christy tobler. that will definately suck. but so far i dont mind her too much. i am off work tomorrow so i get to buy a new pair of jeans, woohoo. and also tomorrow will be the last time that i wear my hole jeans. i think andy wants them though so i will give them to him probably.

Current Mood: blah
12:20 am
goin to bed with a sad thought...never good
Between You and Me

Won't you come over?
You know that you want to.
How does it feel to know
I still want you?

Why do we always seem,
To want what we can't have?
Lessons learned.
But then I listen to my heart,
And it says still run back for more.

I'm happy for you.
I'm sure that he really loves you.
But it breaks my heart,
To know I can't hold you.

It's just hard to think
I'll never get the chance
To say your mine.
But every time you hear this song
You'll know you've made a mark
On my heart and my mind.

Current Mood: lonely
Tuesday, March 12th, 2002
10:00 pm
lincoln park grille
me and johnny went to the talent show tonight. it was really good and i had fun which is always a plus. anything to keep my mind off things. but anyways, afterwards, we went to lincoln park grille to see andy and get a pizza but andy had already went home. we got a pizza anyways. our waitress was beautiful...oh my god. she was nice too, she gave us free drinks :-). and when we were leaving, johnny ran into me and made us look really dumb but i dont really care cuz it was extremely funny...we were cracking up the whole way home. i think she noticed we kept staring at her and giggling like little school girls but what can ya do? it was fun. and i had to work on my goddamn (sorry danielle) research paper tonight. i didnt get a whole lot done but i got all day tomorrow to do it so thats always good. hopefully i can do it before fourth period tomorrow. that'd be great :-)

FEEL BETTER BRAD... I'M HERE FOR YA IF YOU EVER NEED ME... DON'T EVER FORGET THAT

Current Mood: good
3:16 pm
called off
i called off work today to do my senior research paper since the rough draft is due tomorrow. i havent even started...oh well, i'll be alright :-)

Current Mood: bouncy
12:04 am
get up kids lyrics
No Love

if i gave everything would you still listen to me?
it could be so much better than this
i don't want you to love me anymore...
than enough
i can't be held accountable if you can't make up your mind
tonight
as much as i would like to
i can't put my hands all over you
if i put myself in that position myself to be immune to you
to keep my heart from breaking if you can't make up your mind
if i came home one last time
think of what the two of us could do
i guess we'll never know

Current Mood: depressed
Monday, March 11th, 2002
2:44 pm
what adam did to jared
the killing blow

What were you thinkin' years ago
When you did what you did and said I didn't know?
Well I'm here now, your only chance gone
Seems funny to me
How you changed your song

But you can't take back the things you said
and you can't take back the things you did
strange how you change when you get older
funny how the past comes back to haunt you
......to haunt you

I had my support and the support was you
I tried to make it work
I wish you had tried too
Like a Dollet abstract it was all fucked up
Now I'm lyin' in the gutter down on my luck

But you can't take back the things you said
and you can't take back the things you did
Strange how you change when you get older
funny how the past comes back to haunt you
......to haunt you

Stop what you're doin' and think for a minute
Only for a moment, it's better than nothin'
and you'll see
that we got something
can't you see
that we got something?

Maybe someday we can heal the wounds
I'd like to think that we could do that soon
Times have changed, the good times gone
But we could make it work if we'll admit we're wrong

Current Mood: sad
1:15 pm
why do i care so much?
i think, me, as a person, i care to much about how other people's lives are going. like i care about jareds feelings when it comes to what adam did with kylie to fuck him over. i feel really bad for him. and that kinda makes me mad at adam. the only readon i am mad at adam is cuz i care about jared and what adam did to him. i really think i need to quit caring so much about other people and letting their problems affect my life. its just makes me more sad thinking about how they must feel. i just wish other peoples problems wouldnt bother me so much. i just wanna be the way i used to be and be happy and funny. it just seems that as of late, i dont care at all about myself and i just care about other peoples problems. i dont know how much longer i can put up with it before i try and run away from it all. i dont want to because i care so much about my friends but it just seems like i am being sad because of them. it seems like its them who are putting me through all the pain i am going through. but who can be sure at all??? i dont know what to think or do anymore. my friends are the only thing that keep me alive and happy sometimes. i dont know what i'd do without them. i dont wanna go away from my friends but if i stay with them and listen to their problems and think about how they feel, i am running away from myself

Current Mood: worried
12:02 am
stolen thingy...
APPEARANCE
- hair: blonde (dyed orange)
- eyes: blue
- height: 6'0"
- weight: 165
- figure: dunno
STYLE
- clothing: t-shirts and jeans
- music: punk, ska, emo
- makeup: i'm a boy...come on now
RIGHT NOW
- wearing: PJ pants
- music: Fenix TX
- thinking of: someone special
- feeling: pretty good actually
LAST THING YOU...
- bought: McDonald's
- did: typed McDonald's
- read: my LJ comments
- watched on tv: the real world
EITHER / OR
- club or houseparty: house party
- tea or coffee: tea
- high achiever or easy-going: easy-going
- cats or dogs: cats (they're so cute)
- single or taken: single
- pen or pencil: pen
- gloves or mittens: gloves
- food or candy: food (yummy)
- cassette or cd: cd
- snuff or cigarettes: cigarettes if i had to choose
- coke or pepsi: paps
- matches or a lighter: lighter
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
- kill: myself (j/k no one...im a nice guy :-))
- hear from: someone special (if i had one)
- look like: me
- be like: me
FAVORITE
- food: donatos pizza
- drink: clearly canadian (black cherry)
- color: black
- album: the ataris - end is forever
- shoes: my old etnies
- site: www.livejournal.com
- song: i have many
- vegetable: green beans
- fruit: peaches
- last movie you saw: the fast and the furious
- last movie you saw on the big screen: the fast and the furious
- last phone number you called: 299-3819
- last song you heard: dropkick murphy's - upstarts and broken hearts
- last thing you had to drink: country time lemonade
- last thing you ate: pretzel sticks (still eatin 'em)
- last time you showered: this mornin
- last time you cried: friday
- last time you smiled: today
- last time you laughed: today (at marshall's monkey thing)
- last person you hugged: mommy
- last person you kissed: no one in over a year
- last thing you said: you're killin me
- last person you talked to online: marshall and hallie
- last person you talked to on the phone: adam
- last thing you smelled: lolla jolla lemon air freshner
DO YOU...
- smoke: not too often
- do drugs: tylenol pm to sleep
- drink: not in a while (dont think i will anymore)
- sleep with stuffed animals: yep
- have a crush: 2 (one more than the other)
- have a boyfriend/girlfriend: :*-( no
- have a dream that keeps coming back: i dont remember dreams
- play an instrument: drums (but brad has 'em)
- believe there is life on other planets: yes
- read the newspaper: no
- have any gay or lesbian friends: yeah
- believe in miracles: not really
- consider yourself tolerant of others: very much so but thats not always good
- consider police a friend or foe: both
-like the taste of alcohol: depends
- have a favorite Stooge: nope
- believe in astrology: what about it?
- believe in magic: no
- pray: no
- go to church: not too much but sometimes
- have any secrets: plenty
- have any pets: 2 cats, a dog
- college: Sinclair for 2 yrs then...who knows
- have a degree: no
- talk to strangers who instant message you: never have
- wear hats: AJ's adidas visor
- have any piercings: not yet
- have any tattoos: no
- hate yourself: sometimes
- have a "hot spot": don't know
- wish on stars: yes
- like your handwriting: yeah
- believe in witches: no
- believe in Satan: yeah....but i don't like him (satan is bad)
- believe in ghosts: yes
- trust others easily: not too many
- like sarcasm: it depends on how its used
- take walks in the rain: sometimes when im feelin gloomy
- kiss with your eyes closed: yes...if i remember right
- sing in the shower: no...im too tired in the mornin to sing

Current Mood: awake
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